if i can run in heels then i can drive
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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