do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
