dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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