I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
