So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
