she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
