the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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