I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
