I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
How does one acquire holy water?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
