I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
