i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
