You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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