Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
