what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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