I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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