after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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