Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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