That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
