Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
