I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
