Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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