I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize