Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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