Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
