I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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