after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
