Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize