Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
