Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
