did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I have tasted many bathrooms
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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