Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
