Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
