So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
