So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
