When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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