"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's blow job season.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
