He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
