GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
