I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize