I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
