Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
