did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
