I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
