I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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