i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
