so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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