It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
