I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
