Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It's shark week go big or go home
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
