I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
