bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
