You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize