there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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