Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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