Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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