You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize