She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
