I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
