Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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