I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
