how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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