I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
