he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
