i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
