Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Did you just see the Batmobile???
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
