Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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