The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
