Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize