it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
