i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
