I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
