Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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