watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
