Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
