he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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