I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
