i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
