i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
