your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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